🔗 Share this article Navigating my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership As a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, however it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men again. Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I want a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or not. One day you could encounter someone who provides a transformative opportunity to you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and recognize the value of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear. The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating intimacy issues.